The Hitman series chronicles the life and works of professional killer clone, agent 47, a largely silent protagonist, who has never had any reason to regret his chosen line of work. Previous titles have seen him lay waste to many unfortunate souls, including a number of his clone brothers as well as his creator, before running away to Sicily in order to get away from it all and become a gardener in Hitman 2: Silent Assassin. The events of Blood Money however, come some time after all this has happened and deals souly with 47 doing what he does best; kill without a sound, leave without a trace. Outside of the character himself, the story in this series has always been hit and miss, and Blood Money’s over-arcing plot of a journalist with stupid haircut, talking to ex-FBI agent about cloning and supersoldiers does little to inspire, but as a means to revisit all 47’s high points of the previous year, it serves its purpose.

Surely the story shouldn’t matter however, as long as the gameplay remains solid. Unfortunately the gameplay is the most likely aspect the divide people playing the Hitman series. On the face of it, Blood Money appears as a fairly broken third person shooter, with stealth mechanics; To play the game as a balls to the wall shooter is a largely unsatisfying affair, but then again to play it like that is somewhat against its design philosophy. The best way to approach these games is as a macabre set of contextual puzzles. As has always been the way, at the start of each mission you are given one or several targets; people who must be dead by the end of the mission, preferably without anyone noticing. The formula translates largely unchanged into Blood Money, although this is the first title where 47 can platform somewhat, able climb drainpipes, scale walls, etc. The levels are well thought out and provide plenty of creative ways to achieve your goal beyond shooting the place up. Its a lot like a point and click adventure game where you rub up against different objects in the hope chandeliers will fall, or a barman will give you an aphrodisiac. All of this without mentioning unbridled joy the garrote.

If there’s one aspect of the Hitman games which I can’t gripe about at all, its the way they present themselves, because without the thick layer of context and setting, the games would quickly fall victim to their list of shortcomings. Granted, there’s the odd character movement here and there, and rag-doll physics could be viewed as a little grotesque, but it all pales into insignificance the moment Jesper Kyd’s soundtrack rumbles in, rising and falling with the action. The glacier engine that has powered the games before returns in Blood Money looking better than ever. Most importantly of all however, 47 is still the character we know and love; its been proven time and time again that accomplished voice acting is all it takes to transform a character into something so much more, see Captain Price for another perfect example.

In summation, I’d be the first person to admit there was a lot wrong with the Hitman games previous to Blood Money, and that aside from basic platforming a lot of them remain. What also returns in Blood Money however, is the dark heart of the series which made the gameplay so very rewarding, and its more prevalent than ever; the sheer amount of replay value to be found in constantly re-exploring some of the levels is astounding, and silent assassin ranks don’t come easy, making them all the more satisfying. Its a mixed bag and definitely not one thats going to please all, but those who persevere will be rewarded.

The story essentially centers around the worst night of Batmans life; the caped crusader delivers Joker back to Arkham, but all not as it seems. Before long Joker springs his trap and takes control, conveniently leaving space open for other note worthy villains of the series to make their appearance. The story is gripping, the atmosphere is solid, and although there’s some pickups in the writing and dialogue for minor characters, the experience as a whole never feels marred by it.

In terms of gameplay, Batman: Arkham Asylum hinges on two main mechanics; combat and stealth, and really is one of the few games which manages to balance them so well. The combat is easy to pick up and hard to master, with the fluid animations making the process look and feel like a brutally satisfying ballet. The Stealth has you zipping around rooms of armed guards, creatively picking them off like nervous flies, utilizing all of Batmans most famous gadgets. The controls are tight and intuitive, and can be applied however you need to use them, however, criticism can be leveled at the lack of auto run, especially when it could have freed up a button.

Arkham Island is a macabre paradise, full of beautiful architecture, and colourful characters jabbing away at the PA system. Gloriously, many voices from Batman: TAS return, with a standout performance from Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamil) as Joker. Overall the presentation leaves little to be desired, except for when detective mode (which Batman will use extensively) replaces everything with outlines and glowing skeletons, presumably causing the design team to weep.

All said, Batman: Arkham Asylum truly makes the player feel like they are Batman, combining all the elements seamlessly in a well paced, brilliantly told adventure that will fill twelve solid hours. On top of that, the many riddles left all over Arkham Island, unlockable challenge mode, as well as the demand of at least a second playthrough, means you won’t be done with the game for some time.

I wouldn’t be lying in saying that Shadow of the Colossus pulls off immersion better than a lot of current generation titles that pertain to; this is partly due to the Silent Hill 2 method, employing the crushing dread of being totally alone, a partly due to the Ico method of being stripped back to the bare bones, until you realise it really is just you a dead girl, a voice and sixteen gargantuan foes…and a horse.

Said horse is rather wayward; he definitely makes a better companion than the glowing bint they gave you in Ico, but that doesn’t change the fact that for quite some of the time he’ll control like arse, to the degree that you wish the game would provide some kind of ‘repeatedly kick horse in ribs button’, which fortunately enough it does, something I relished, no mistake.

In any case, the horse (or at least its inability to go where I want it to) is honestly the only major problem I can pick out, and its not even major, especially considering aforementioned ‘horse-kicking button’. So surely every other aspect of Shadows gameplay must be a shining example of perfection? Well yes…mostly, but in all honesty there’s only two aspects overall; go to colossus, find way on to and kill colossus by stabbing him repeatedly in big glowing white weak-points.

Its amazing this game even exists, especially considering how shitty and repetitive the brief must have looked on paper, but I thank whatever forces exist in this universe that it does exist because its awesome; granted the game consists of little more than sixteen boss fights and the traveling between them, but I don’t utter a word of a lie when I say that they are easily sixteen of the best boss fights ever conceived…still.

In the latter half of the game you can spend the best part of an hour just looking for a viable way to attach yourself to a given colossus, let alone climbing up to the head and delivering a fully charged stab to brain (or wherever else), all the while your grip tentatively slipping away as you desperately try to find a moment to stand. Yes I admit it still sounds repetitive, and in its own way it is, but as I started, this the most immersive kind of repetition you’ll find, and the fact that theres literally nothing else in the game, you really do feel as if your working towards your purpose.

Sixteen colossi, all starkly different to each other, all demanding you to continue; as soon as you beat one you’ll want another, after four, you’ll be wondering why you though the first was so good, and by the end, regardless of what you take from the somewhat ambiguous epilogue, you’ll feel a genuine sense of achievement.

If your getting bored with current console generation and want something really special from the last one, then here’s my recommendation. Conversely, if your the kind of nervous, twitching dog-fucker, that needs someone else’s praise before ever trying something that is obviously good, then yes, I’m saying play this game, but you’d probably get more from felating a gun barrel.

Boo-YEAH!

MC Escher was in fact an artist specialising in mathematical constructs and impossible illusions based around architecture, infinity and the like. He also was a hip hop artist, but only around friends and family.

I mention his mainly because it is the last day of geek blogging (specifically for the module that is) and the good MC is a staple for any good ‘old school’ geek. Old school because math and science don’t really need to apply so much nowadays.

He made some the greatest weird pictures that are instantly recognisable and mesmerising. They not only make for hours of viewing pleasure, but have inspired thousands upon thousands of tributes and homages to his work. Some funny and some disturbing. Others are more stylised:

Escher is all that’s good about geeky inspiration. Science, art and maths have never been so perfectly combined since his work.

So maybe that’s what being a geek should be about in the modern day and age – teach, encourage and blow your mind.

What strikes me about old news is how fact based it is in comparison to today; the news acted simply as a vessel for important information while leaving people to form their own opinions. This is not to say the news avoids giving the facts todays, far from it. What it does do however is follow the facts, immediately, with features detailing possible reactions and opinions, or vox pop interviews that cram the whole population into three people and ten seconds. On the surface of things this might not seem like such a bad idea, trying to cover the conclusion in advance, but without being given the chance to make up there own minds, people simply adopt these black and white stances, when their are so many shades of grey in between.

News doesn’t need garnish like a studio that resembles some sterile future, it doesn’t need all manner of snappy powerpoint presentations to confuse more than they explain. The news for the most part is dull, by its very nature, and old news conformed very well with this; it was easy on the eye, people talking, maybe a photograph if you were really lucky; easy to ignore if you didn’t want to watch it. In any case, the news itself, took precedent over pointlessly flashy reportage. Today the news finds itself caught up in a pissing contest between the channels; researchers come back saying “people switch off or turn over when the news comes on, so we need to make it more exciting and involving of people”. People? As I say, they were wrong; if people want to watch the news, they will, if they don’t they won’t, and there’s no reason to patronise the people who do, and theirs especially no need to package it in such a sensationalist way that it invokes a sense of panic.

The Hoverdeck

Panic is also induced by how central the news has become to peoples lives, and with the proliferation of 24 hour rolling news, the net, frequency of updates and the like, the news now finds itself omnipotent. The only problem is that, for the most part of time, nothing much is happening, and rolling news has to resort to using all sorts of padding; The economic meltdown is a perfect example. No doubt a newsworthy topic, especially considering we were all loaded before hand, riding on an absolute economic boom, yeah? The news is still getting unspeakable amounts of coverage out of the credit crunch, mostly through doing away with the euphemism, rebranding it an absolute recession, and peddling all the same shit back again. In a lot of ways the gift that keeps on giving, anything can be linked to the recession and called news, anything from the understandable, coverage of the apologies, to the inexplicable, how high street fashion is on the up now we’re all slumming it.

Recession aside, this constant bombardment of everything bad about the world is not good for the public it ironically asks to contribute. Granted bad things happen, and sometimes they happen on a momentous scale that everyone should be aware of, but the news has become too reliant on the bad, sometimes to quite a tasteless degree; we live in a world where every detail of Luciano Pavorotti’s death is recounted as breaking news. Of cause any news story unfolds with time, but if that story is being covered by rolling news, then every detail demands the ‘BREAKING NEWS’ banner. This brings us back to panic; by branding everything as breaking new when it is simply unfolding news, rolling news perpetuates the flawed notion that bad things are happening for most of the time.

As the integrity of TV news dwindles, the television journalist follows suit. Once a hero, his position has been severely cheapened. When Woodward and Bernstein of Watergate fame showed that corruption could be exposed at the highest level, journalists adopted a cause; to give people access to the sinister forces acting at the heart of their governments, that their leaders did not want them to see. Today the television journalist is a middleman for news, and actively cuts himself out by eagerly asking you, the public for it instead. All well and good, but with one big problem; you have very little idea of what’s going on. Why? Because the journalist has given up his job, of explaining the world to us, and instead, becomes a lackey for the PR man.

For the most part journalists gather information both from newswire such as Reuters, and the PR industry, both of which are unchecked, both of which are unreliable, and both of which form most of what is recycled into news. This has left the PR industry with the power to literally ‘work the angle’ of any news story they want; They can change the way they’re reported, outline who is good and bad, etc. All well and good, until you remember their livelihood is based on spin. As the position of the journalist weakens, PR people have come into their own, as some kind of journalistic mercenaries; who ever can foot the bill, can have the news shifted in their favour, and the journalists will continue to be the ones who report it, so we will trust it.

One of the best things that could come of Onlive (should it deliver on its promises), is that it could corner the market and dissolve consoles. The p***ing contest would be over, exclusives gone and no more fanboy b****ing about how much better it is to have MGS4 on PS3 instead of Halo on 360 or vice versa. Things would go glacial, not forgetting that you wouldn’t have to upgrade every few years.

What I do fear however is the loss of the iconic console; I’m not sure if we’re out the other end of the heyday of the N64 and the Playstation giving mainstream coverage to the medium, teaching the world that gaming isn’t just for nerdy, virgin types who love violence and masturbate furiously into a fire, but I do know that we’ll never know how much the console industry can come forward if it goes away. The thing to be wary of with Onlive, is that it may over-standardize the industry, leaving little room for innovation and intuitiveness. Or, maybe it will be the definitive console; I’ve been talking a lot about perfection being seemingly achieve in games recently, why not the same for consoles.

In any case, I’m awaiting Onlive with baited baited breathe, and if you’ve still got your lungs, you should to.

It all boils down to DAB being better, but switching to DAB being pain in the ass.

Connotations of almost all horror is to be found. You have vampirism and zombification just there, and get a whole heap of possession and biological terror thrown in for good measure.

But I digress.

Rec is yet another example showing up how Hollywood is lacking any originality. Just as the movie was coming out in 2007, the remake was well into production as Quarantine.

From Rotten Tomatoes reviews, the original got 95%, whereas Quarantine got a meh-worthy 59%.

And this is a trend that is forming with nearly every foreign film remake. They all pale in comparison to the originals (bar The Departed, but seriously, having Di Caprio, Damon and Nicholson under Scorcese wass gonna be incredible even if it was bringing Barney to the big screen).

I’m just going to quickly ring through the examples that annoy me the most.

‘Godzilla’ from ‘Gojira’ – the ultimate monster movie character was made back in the 50s as an representation of America’s destructive might in the Second World War, creating carnage with everything it touched. But apparently Matthew Broderick as an archaeologist has enough to kill it. The actual meaning of the movie died the second an American produced it. Unless he was an anarchist…which would be quite cool.

My Sassy Girl (both versions of the same title) – this is probably the only romantic comedy I actually love. It’s quirky in all the right places and bathes in cheese, yet the film has a soul. What a pity that it didn’t transfer through in the remake. It went straight to DVD so I assumed the worst and didn’t watch it for fear of ruining the original.

Okay, so that’s two legitimate examples of FAIL, alongside the large number of horror films from Japan that have come through so far this century (all considerably less scary). What’s worse is that rumours have been flying about a remake of the first foreign language film I saw being remade.

Will Smith is said to be interested in playing the lead. Didn’t he already kill the meaning of I Am Legend? And isn’t his pressing of the Karate Kid remake gonna kill the meaning of that?

Maybe he just wants to kill classic movies…the evil b******.

To sum up: foreign film remakes + Will Smith (post Fresh Prince) = Atrocities.

What did google do? Lol

 2.

Am I really seeing a six wheel car or have I been Googled?

3.

Woops! You got googled!

4.

Don't run away from Google - it may hurt! lol

5.

You got busted by Google!

Seriously, is a bit of silicone skin and a nice dress too much to ask? I guess some scientists just lack imagination…

John Connor?

Chrome armor might also have another meaning. I hope this is not the case. But I’d better brush up on my doomsday survival plan…